Trying so hard......

Am trying to be calm, but my mind is so turbulent.
Am learning the art of disguise... to show what am not really thinking.
Am trying to put a mask on my face which always show a placid smile , but underneath that I can feel the tears ... tears from my soul.
Am trying to be bold with an iron guard, but inside that am too scary to face this cruel world.
Am trying to hide my true love as Am afraid that I'll get hurt from the flame emerging out of that.
Am pretending to be concentrated , but I know that my mind not here anymore. He just wanders haphazardly.
Am covering my body with lot of red roses just to cover that bleeding heart.
Am trying to walk straight, but my mind always follows that zigzag routes
Am trying to close my eyes to make an impression that am sleeping , but the sleep is eluding me for a long time now.
Am trying to dream , dream about beautiful things , but in my reveries only ghostly pictures appear.
Am trying to be passionate , but I know my passions are gone with that thunder storm.
Am trying to speak with maturity, but in reality am ending up with stupidity, who is unaware of the meaning of being mature.
Am trying to act smart, but foolishness always prevails me.
Am trying to change myself which is now taking the toll of my life.
Am trying to do lot of things , but always ending up doing nothing.